with Chaos King playing in the background

FINEAS, MY HUMAN FIGHTER: STAND DOWN, JEFF BEZOS. I DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU… BUT I WILL!!! (rolls a NAT 20 INTIMIDATION)
DM: Jeff Bezos… hesitates. He begins to question if perhaps… maybe he’s lost his way… (he rolls a nat 1 and falls to his knees, beginning to cry) What have I done? What have I, Jeff Bezos, done?
Fineas: [He immediately relaxes] I don’t think it’s too late for you to become a better person.
DM: Do you really believe that a person like myself, Jeff Bezos, can truly change?
Fineas: I believe everyone is deserving of a second chance!!
DM: Tears are streaming down Jeff Bezos’ face as he reaches out to your Fineas.
Fineas: He reaches out to try to take Jeff Bezos’ hand, smiling and relieved.
DM: Fineas, Jeff Bezos clasps your hand and gets to his feet. He says “I’m not sure if I can truly abandon the empire that I, Jeff Bezos, have built.”
Fineas: [He appeals to the better nature of Jeff Fucking Bezos] Surely you can work in the markets of places that need you, places that already exist and are struggling? [rolls 12 persuasion]
DM: I think maybe… just maybe… [dice roll] I want you to roll a perception check.
Fineas: [10]
DM: Kava (dragonborn rogue) and Gryida (half-orc bard) you both see Jeff Bezos reaching to his hip with his free hand. Alright, so Fineas, Jeff Bezos grabs a knife from his hip and stabs you between the ribs for 4 DMG.
Fineas: AAHHHGH! I TRUSTED YOU! [He staggers back.] I CAN’T BELIEVE I TRUSTED YOU!!
DM: YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TRUSTED ME, FANTASTY JEFF BEZOS.